32 George Carlin Quotes That Will Make Your Day Awesome

George Carlin quotes and ideas got the popularity for its witty remarks on several subjects. The well-known comedian George Carlin was recognized much for his funny take on controversial subjects and black humor that he had. He made his way to fame in the 1970s and had always been an outspoken and valiant speaker. He was said to never think twice before putting forward his thoughts on subjects that were sensitive at also considered of as Taboo at the time.

The most notorious performances he ever gave had been in ‘Seven Dirty Words.’ It was also one of the important reasons for the U.S. Supreme Court’s decision for the regulation of offensive material that could be broadcasted in the year 1978. The most fantastic feature of George Carlin was that more than just making people laugh. He also made them think. He released over twenty albums in his career and over a dozen comedy shows. The Grammy Award winner for his exceptional work in comedy died at the age of 71 because of a heart attack. Here are the best George Carlin quotes that will make your day awesome.

George Carlin Funny Quotes On Peace And Religion


1. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. – George Carlin

2. Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. – George Carlin

3. Religion is like a pair of shoes…..Find one that fits for you, but don’t make me wear your shoes. – George Carlin

4. The planet is fine. The people are fucked. – George Carlin

5. Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist. – George Carlin

6. May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. – George Carlin

7. He – and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he because no woman could or would ever fuck things up this badly. – George Carlin

8. I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don’t have as many people who believe it. – George Carlin

9. I’m completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. – George Carlin

10. How is it possible to have a civil war? – George Carlin

George Carlin Funny Quotes On Books And Education


11. Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bullshit they teach you in school – George Carlin

12. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, ‘Where’s the self-help section?’ She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. – George Carlin

13. I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It’s so fuckin’ heroic. – George Carlin

14. Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don’t have time for all that. – George Carlin

15. Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”? – George Carlin

16. If you try to fail and succeed, which have you done? – George Carlin

17. The reason I talk to myself is that I’m the only one whose answers I accept. – George Carlin

George Carlin Quotes On Planet And Universe


18. Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it. – George Carlin

19. If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. – George Carlin

George Carlin On Saving The Planet

One of my favorite lines I want to mention from the below George Carlin best stand-up comedy:

The planet has been through a lot worse than us. Been through earthquakes, volcanoes, plate tectonics, continental drift, solar flares, sun spots, magnetic storms, the magnetic reversal of the poles… We’re going away. Pack your shit, folks. We’re going away. And we won’t leave much of a trace, either. Maybe a little Styrofoam, the planet’ll be here and we’ll be long gone.

20. Tell people there’s an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure. – George Carlin

George Carlin Quotes On People


21. The main reason Santa is so jolly is that he knows where all the bad girls live. – George Carlin

22. Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. – George Carlin

23. Here’s all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. – George Carlin

24. Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be. – George Carlin

25. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. – George Carlin

26. Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? – George Carlin

George Carlin Laughing Quotes


27. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath. – George Carlin

28. “Meow” means “woof” in cat. – George Carlin

29. I don’t have pet peeves – I have major psychotic fucking hatreds. – George Carlin

30. That’s why they call it the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it. – George Carlin

31. How come when it’s us, it’s an abortion, and when it’s a chicken, it’s an omelet? – George Carlin

32. I do this real moron thing, and it’s called thinking. And apparently, I’m not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions. – George Carlin

I hope you enjoy reading George Carlin Quotes. Share with me your favorite one in the comments below.

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Nakul Grover

Nakul Grover, author of Superhuman In You and the one who runs this blog. He has been writing on self-improvement since 2014. Featured on various websites, his works have helped thousands of people to live an extraordinary life. He loves spending his leisure hours in reading books and learning new skills.